I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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