Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
