I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the day after is always just damage control
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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