She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
