Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
