I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
