If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
