After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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