I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
