According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
