i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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