Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
