I want to walk on stilts...naked
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
