your parents love me but you hate me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize
