Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
