my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
