You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
