Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
