P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
