I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
