Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
