she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize