it wasn't lemon gatorade
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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