I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's like God shit irony all over that family
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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