there was a trapeze. enough said
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
