like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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