I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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