Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize