I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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