why didn't you poke me back
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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