Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
