just come out here and I will go home with you...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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