apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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