I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
