it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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