Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
