I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
