she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The struggles of a small town man whore
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize