i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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