we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
