your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
