New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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