I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
