Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
