Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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