Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
