I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
