Dual....:-)
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
