The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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