He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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