Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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