That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
