I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
