5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
