Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
