Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
