One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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