He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
