he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
