and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize