He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
