I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
