Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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