Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
