you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
