; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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