Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
