Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
