my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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