I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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