I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
