i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
