I met the friendliest cop last night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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