walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
