eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
