after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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