I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
